Miss Anne Thrope.
Search for meaning.
I seesaw between nihilism and altruism, buried in a deep sandbox of anarchy and misanthropy. I want everyone to suffer less, but I know suffering is inevitable. I know the world is fucked, and it’s easy to feel helpless in one’s efforts to help. So much of me doesn’t fucking care at all, for anyone or anything, but another part of me cares too much, so much it’s unbearable. I disconnect in overconnection, and dissociate from everything I do. Within me is a battle between a search for meaning & the realization that nothing actually matters. Everything feels like a religion, all just distractions to deter us from ourselves. I look at everything around me and it is all so absurd — why do these things exist, what are we doing. I laugh at everything loudly to mask the things I think about quietly. I speak up when I feel down. And I cry, hysterically, alone.