This is an important reminder: don’t dox yourself or your friends.
People are twisted. Stalkers are real. Don’t post your activities in a specific location till after you’ve left. Don’t post pics at your home that show streets or backdrops or any sort of location context. We need to be so much more careful with what information we carelessly put on the internet.
Stalking happens outside of the internet too, but the internet in particular provides an ideal environment for this type of behavior to proliferate and thrive. Stalkers often create groups with other stalkers to dissect people’s every post and move. Don’t underestimate people’s willingness and determination to find out more about you than you care to share.
Parasocial relationships are largely ok, but some have the potential to evolve into something deeply twisted and spiral out of control when things don’t go as desired. Yes we all have internet friends, but just be wary of people that behave obsessively or act like you owe them something.
I’m not saying trust no one and be absolutely fucking paranoid, but I am saying keep your wits about you at all times and be aware that this type of behavior exists. Have your location permanently shared with your friends, and always always pay attention to your surroundings.
If you are going on a date/meeting up with a stranger, tell a couple of your friends their name + handle, number, address/meet up location. Text before, during, and after the meeting to keep your friends in the loop: let them know how things are going and when you’re home safe. When taking an Uber/Lyft, share your trip details with a couple of your friends and/or have them on the phone with you during your ride. When you’re out doing anything alone and feel unsafe, let someone know.
Social media and just existence in general in this day and age normalize so many things that never used to be normal. For example, meeting up with complete strangers; being distracted and detached from reality 24/7; finding belonging and support in online groups that don’t exist for you in real life. Obviously these things have both pros and cons, but I think we too often gloss over the cons when we should be considering them much more seriously.
Of course I too am not perfect in my safety practices, and I too am not immune to over-trusting people online that could literally be anyone. Everyone you talk to online is anonymous until proven otherwise with actual hard proof. Don’t just believe people are who they say they are because they tell you what you subconsciously want to hear. If someone or something seems too good to be true, it very likely is.
Sucks to admit this, but scammers and stalkers and deeply deeply mentally disturbed people are so commonplace these days, both online and in real life. I know we can only protect ourselves so much and some things are beyond our control but, even so, we must make an effort to move as safely as possible through this world.
I would love to be fully independent and go on long road trips by myself or live in the middle of nowhere or travel overseas alone, or even just walk my dog around my neighborhood without feeling obligated to be nice to men that approach me just in case, or be allowed to say no to a man’s advances without fear of him retaliating.. but the more social media + sensationalized media become such an integral part of our daily existence, the more mentally unstable humans become, and the more opportunities for surveillance — for both safety and for stalking.
It truly sucks to have to think this way, but this is just reality. I’m not trying to be a Debbie fucking Downer here, but this is just reality. I don’t want to create a contagion of fear and mistrust, but this is just reality. Be cautious with your dealings both online and in real life. Not everyone is who they say they are, and not everyone that watches you makes themselves known. You never fucking know what people are capable of. And since this is such a new phenomenon, we have to fend for ourselves — law enforcement often doesn’t look too seriously into these matters likely because they still view them as minor and/or don’t even know how to approach them.
We truly are traversing this ever-developing technological landscape virtually blind, and it’s important we help each other see clearer. Besides your friends, make sure your children and elders are also well versed in online and offline safety, and share this post to spread awareness.
Parasocial relationships have the tendency to be unrequited + unhealthy and are not meant to be pursued seriously. Be aware of your own actions: make sure your beliefs are ontologically true and not just delusional narratives of your own creation and desires. Just because you follow/donate/subscribe to or exchange messages with someone, does not mean you are in a relationship or entitled to their time + attention in any way.
If you are a person that feels this grandiose sense of entitlement, justice, obsession, possession, and compulsion toward someone, online or otherwise.. if you participate in online groups that encourage and support this kind of deleterious pathological behavior — please get help. There are resources available for you.1
(I know this portion of the post may seem largely futile, but it’s for those who are still capable of turning things around for the better. I am fully aware that, unfortunately, some people suffer from mental disorders so deep, they cannot be helped.)
Do you have any other online or offline safety tips to share with the community?
Taken from Therapy Tips: In 2022, with mEnTaL hEaLtH being such a magnified crux in our zeitgeist, you can google ‘therapist’ and be instantly inundated with boundless resources. When listening to podcasts while doing the dishes, we are bombarded with BetterHelp ad reads. When doom scrolling Instagram, we are met with ads for Talkspace. On the radio, we hear about iPrevail which provides free support for LA County residents. People have also mentioned Open Path for affordable in-office and online therapy. You can also text ‘NAMI’ to 741741 for a free text crisis hotline + access to an abundance of mental health resources, or visit this page I stole from BetterHelp if you are facing a crisis that needs immediate attention.